all I do these days is plan what to eat, prepare what I’m going to eat, procrastinate, eat what I’ve prepared, tumblr, read novels, drink tea, go for walks, make more food, listen to frank ocean, do ten minutes of uni work, drink tea, read, check instagram, tumblr, bed. Then I repeat. 

Note to self: get out of this slump.  

I feel like withdrawing from everything and everyone.

I really need to let go, just dive into every opportunity I’m faced with and not fear the repercussions. I need to rid my mind of insecurities and negative thoughts, it’s damaging my soul.

going through and unliking every sad/depressing/pessimistic photo/gif/post I’ve ever liked. I need to surround myself with happiness, there’s enough of the bad stuff around us all anyways.  

no matter what I do, no matter the grades I get, the tests I pass, the assignments I ace, the degree I will graduate with, the way I look, the way I dress, whoever I aspire to be, the money I save, the things I create, the words I speak, no matter all my efforts, I will never be good enough for those around me. I won’t make them proud unless I am exactly what it is they want me to be. It’s this constant pressure that led me to where I am now, and then they ask me how I got this way. What led me to be this destructive, this destroyed? And if I ever tell them that it was their doing, their actions and their words, they would be so distraught, further adding to the disappointment. So what is there to do? What is the way out of this?  

I will never understand how to balance making those I love happy and making myself happy. Because either way, someone is hurt, and in my eyes that’s a failure.  

I’m trying to figure out who it is I really am.
Or better yet, who I really want to be.  

I feel so lonely.
I feel so lonely because I’ve isolated myself. 
I’ve isolated myself because I don’t like to impose my issues on other people.
I don’t like to impose on my busy family, who have enough to worry about.
I don’t like to impose on my friends, who are living through their own problems.
So I look for help in the wrong places, in things I know don’t help at all.

And then I’m just left to feel like this. 

can be the response to great pressure in one’s life, especially for those with perfectionist tendencies and expectations. Often arise when a person does not like him- or herself; low self worth

I no longer see the purpose behind the decisions I have made or are making, and it’s really frightening. It’s like I look back on everything I’ve done up to this point in my life, and I don’t understand what it was all for. It’s like I’ve wasted away people’s efforts and beliefs by no longer knowing what it is I want to do.

our lives are worthwhile if we live by our own standards. Consequently, it is harder for those with high standards to live worthwhile lives.

The shit I do in first year philosophy… university sucks.

has anyone ever actually found what they’re searching for on their hours of endless scrolling? It’s like we waste our days searching for whatever it is we’re missing in the last place we’d look, the next “load more” page, or the next reblog. It’s not solving any of our problems or worries, only suppressing them.

(Source: sanamarama)

to leave behind everything that holds me back would be a beautiful achievement.

to buckle down and do everything that is asked of me is so uninspiring.

all our generation cares about is feeling absolutely euphoric and receiving instant gratification in everything and anything we do.